Part 2 – Editorial by Brad Best Last month, my article focused on the critical steps in supporting our children in reaching their full potential. I related our responsibilities to those needed when we teach a child to ride a bicycle and how a balance of these items is crucial in establishing the standards that we expect from them. When this balance shifts to exceedingly high or low expectations, our children don’t reach their full potential. My daughters grew up in a school district much the same size as Heartland. My elder daughter was in a class that contained a dozen boys that many assumed had above average athletic talent. The parents of these boys, starting in 3rd grade, started convincing one another that this group was the best next chance for a state championship and college scholarships. In basketball, they played 20-30 games per year until they reached high school. Their parents’ encouragement turned to pressure, the guidance turned to constant instruction, and the praise fell victim to rehashing every quarter of every game. By the time these boys were seniors, one of those dozen went out for basketball–one. The others were burned out from trying to meet the relentless expectations that everyone placed upon them and it just wasn’t fun for them anymore. The inherent desire to play for the love of the game had been extinguished by an imbalance of the factors necessary for maximum growth. I wish that more adults around these young boys had understood that the odds of earning that coveted athletic scholarship are about 2 percent and it is much, much lower odds for the “full-ride†award. I wish that they had spent more time explaining that 85% of students at private colleges earn at least one academic scholarship. I wish that they had been encouraged without the pressure of unrealistic expectations. I wish that their parents had asked the boys if they were really enjoying spending all of that time preparing for their own inflated goals or if their son was going through the motions afraid of disappointing the adults. I wondered if the boys would have enjoyed playing the game more if there were no spectators in the gym. I wish that they would have had more time to “just be a kidâ€, without their lives scheduled to the minute by someone else. I wish they had been allowed the majority of their time to organize pick-up games in someone’s driveway, figuring out the boundaries, solving their own disputes, and using their imaginations to hit that winning shot at the buzzer. I venture to say that those people that we hear about in the news who lash out and get even are not the ones that experienced a consistent application of the support needed to teach someone to ride a bike. I would guess that they did not have to work all summer mowing lawns to buy their own bike. It is likely that some of those we hear about in the news either had their lives tightly scheduled for them or were allowed to do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. I wonder if their lives would be any different if a parent told them to just “go outside and play†and when asked “play what?†to answer with “use your imaginationâ€. Would it be any different if they organized their own baseball games in an empty lot where the only parental expectation was to be home when the streetlights came on? I wonder if they were allowed to fail and figure out how to solve their own problems within the boundaries set for them. I am pretty sure that many of them didn’t receive consistent consequences if they ventured out of bounds. I wonder if they were encouraged and received praise for doing the best they could, even if they were not perfect by an adult’s measure … or if there were any parental expectations at all. We are very fortunate to live in a community where strong family values remain the standard rather than the exception. I don’t expect that too many of our youth will be like those that we hear about in the news…but, we all need to do our part and continue to work at providing them with the tools they need to learn and uphold those values that we cherish. We need to remember that it is their turn to be a kid, to learn how to ride a bike, to skin their knee, to manage their own time according to the streetlights and to grow in character individually and at their own pace. It seems that is the way it was when most of us were kids, thanks to both the guidance and freedom granted to us by our parents. I hope my girls pass on the same balance of expectations to their children that I received growing up. Because, I think we turned out just fine.
